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QUESTION: What Would You Do If Your Husband Wanted To Keep Your Marriage A Secret?
“Do I stay with my secret husband or not? My husband and I eloped in Vegas on March 10, 2020. We literally flew back to Texas, and Vegas got shut down that day. COVID was really hard on us. (I agreed to elope if he still proposed and we had a wedding) that we both get what we want. I feel like he’s embarrassed by me or won’t claim me or do it. He says he loves me and wants a family- we both have a kid also. Yet it’s been over a year; we now get in fights because I don’t think he’ll ever do it. We had to move in with his dad. So he wants to get the house first.
On top of that we told our families well a few—which they keep asking when’s the wedding, and we get in an argument cause I want to announce it, and he says not yet..to make things worse, his sister doesn’t approve and tells him to end things with me or ‘get out now’. We don’t even hang out with them. It’s hurting him, and he’s saying I separated him from his family. I want to believe his words, but he can’t even get a ring and do his part. He says I’m overreacting….do I stay or move on?”
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Community Answers
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“You need to run why you still can and don’t look back life is to short you shouldn’t have to settle for less than you deserve .”
“Move on girl because life is to short and if he really does love you I’ve always believed ACTIONS speak more then just words and a truly in love man would not be acting this way. A real man that’s in love would be so happy to call you his wife and proudly show you off to the world that your his forever. I know this from experience myself because I’ve was blessed to have a man to do just that. Your worth is so much better then the way he’s being.”
“I’d say give home some time. He wants to feel like a man. You’re living with his dad. Men have an ego and right now he probably feels like he is failing. Responsibilities come first. He is with you, tell you he loves you and wants a family. He’s trying to give you reassurance. He is dating you. People and family know of you. So I don’t think he’s embarrassed. Maybe he wants to have a special wedding. With yin’s still living with his dad that can’t happen. If you love him then you’ll stay and help him get to where he needs to be.”
“He doesn’t want everyone to know you are married. That way he can present himself as an available single unattached man with no responsibilities. You can be explained away if anyone asks. He is a player.”
“I would leave, why be with someone who makes you feel like that. You deserve more!”
“That ring and wedding don’t matter! The marriage between 2 people matters. You are already married. Work it out and stop fighting.”
“Marriage is hard and it takes work and a support system. Family should be your number one supporter’s. Supporter’s of both of you and your marriage. It shouldn’t be a secret.”
“If you’re keeping him from his family, that’s not cool. Hiding your relationship is toxic, especially if there’s a child in the mix.”
“Get a lawyer and get a divorce. Leave him now. My husband and I eloped while on vacation. We told most of his family right away. The rest of our families were told within 3 months. There’s no reason to keep it a secret for over a year. It’s time to leave and get a divorce.”
“Secrets never work, being a secret wife, sounds like you need to ask yourself what if your daughter told you her man said that they had to keep their marriage a secret. You would be seeing red flags. Set an example, never be a secret.”
“Move on. There’s no legit reason for him to keep your marriage a secret. He’s likely got a second wife/finance.”
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